And then there is family....

Some people in this life are your family by blood and some people in this world are your family by destiny. Either way it is truly amazing how people that you love have such power over you because you allowed them to have it. Years ago I got into some trouble with the law and I dealt with it, I paid my dues and took care of my shit but till this day every time I have a beer someone asks me if I am allowed to drink? Wow....that is like taking an emotional knife and sticking it right into my eyes. It hurts because I know for the rest of their lives they will question everything they do and they think they are actually better than me. I was told tonight that I shouldn't stress about life because Jesus led a life of misery and I should be grateful for any thing positive in my life. The absolute best part is that I didn't say or do anything except get home from work and say hi. I have been living in an odd situation living on what I call an adult dog bed but rather than feeling like I can make things better, my family loves to throw jabs at me and let me know that it could be worse. I do agree with that and I do not question it but I also wonder why they feel like they need to kick me when I am down? I remember all the times I have had to make excuses for them to my friends and make up reasons why they were so judgmental, racist, and just straight ignorant but after a while all you can do is wonder why do I care to protect these people? Well, they are my family. I don't like being spoken down to, I don't like that every single thing I do is questioned but this is life for now. I gave up all of my freedom the second I applied for a Visa credit card and decided to live on my own. I often wonder what life would have been like if I just stayed home an extra few years and never came back opposed to me escaping my reality for just a short time and then being sucked right back into the misery of others. I am beyond tired of listening to my family tell me that Jesus suffered forever and I will to and someday after a lifetime of misery and pain that I will be rewarded in heaven. I truly wish that I had a different family most days because I dream of how things could have been better but honestly I just hate how they push a religion that is so ridiculous on me as if that was my only saving grace. Religion is for weak minded people who need a way to control other people. If you ever tell anyone that they will be eternally spurned because they masturbate, want to fuck a person of the same sex, or just anything that is different than their closed minded reality then you are the worst sort of person that exists.